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[06 May 2009|05:25pm]
So i was officially diagnosed with crohns yesterday. In one sense it's a relief because at least now I *know* what it is. I have a prescription for steroids. Basically, he didnt tell me a whole lot as far as a plan of action is concerned. He gave me the prescription, told me to call on Friday in case the insurance wont cover the meds, and sent me on my way. Fucking awesome.

Bad day. Again. I might do some painting now to get my mind off things. I'm wound up pretty fucking tightly at the moment for a bunch of reasons and my stomach has been bothering me off and on all day.

I just want to be done with all of this shit and get my life together, finally.
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Bad Ass (God I am so clever) [08 Apr 2009|10:09pm]

I had a colonoscopy done today which was loads of fun. In all honesty it really wasn't as terrible as I imagined. As soon as the doctor said "this is gonna burn until you fall asleep" everything went fuzzy and I was out. Sedation is quite possibly the greatest medical invention of all time.

The prep itself wasn't even 1/10th as bad as what I'm going to go ahead and call my first flare up 2 months ago. Basically, it was on par with what I experience at least once every week or 2.

When I initially got to recovery I remember saying "holy shit I totally had a colonoscopy! AN ANAL PROBE!" and one of the 2 nurses saying "she must be in her 20's" and the other one saying "how could you tell?" heh. My bed was directly across from the nurses station and it was decorated with rainbowy easter eggs and bunnies which would impress me even in a sober state so I was completely in awe of them. I kept saying how awesome they were but everyone ignored me ;( I understand why now though. I'm sure people say all kinds of cracked out shit in there.

I just kinda hung around being a bored crackhead in bed for a little while until my main GI doctor stopped in to tell me I'd have to see him in a few weeks and they did in fact find some inflamation in the colon- which at that point didn't mean much to me considering I don't know what causes it or anything. Then his partner who did the procedure (who actually removed a giant walnut sized gallstone from one of my bile ducts roughly 8 years ago) came in with a bunch of pictures of my gross insides which I declined to look at. She explained that there was inflamation and she took a bunch of biopsies which I get the results of on Monday. They are fairly certain that I have some form of inflamatory bowel disease (chrons or colitis) which is what I expected and I'm pretty sure all of my doctors were suspecting the same thing without actually saying it.

Under normal circumstances I suppose I'd be freaking out right now but I knew by the 5th or 6th day of that fucking awful flare up that I had months ago that IBD was a serious possibility. When every medical professional you see mentions the words "chrons" and "colitis" in suggestive ways then you begin to face reality. I've had some time to get used to the idea.

On the plus side-
All of my GI doctors are fucking awesome so far and I feel more comfortable with them than any doctor Ive ever had. They don't give me that feeling like I'm being judged negatively or anything.

And in a lot of cases it can be put into remission with meds and diet and stress management (the last of which I need badly...). The impression that I got was that if it is in fact IBD then it probably has not progressed so badly that I'll need parts of my colon removed anytime soon.

So Monday I get my biopsy results back and potentially schedule more tests and perhaps begin treatment.
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[22 Feb 2009|09:21pm]

On top of the might-be-crohns shit (ha! literally) that I'm dealing with, I am also having numbness in my right arm, and in my lips and in my eyelids. Mini strokes? Yay for me!

I should go to the hospital but I just cannot even be fucked. Any time I go there they send me home saying it's nothing even when it's clearly SOMETHING. And I just don't want to sit in the ER waiting area with 50 welfare cases hacking up phlegm into aquafina bottles and flipping out about imaginary people telling them to shut up (this actually happened last time). So my plan of action is to get through the night and call my doctor first thing in the morning.

What is peculiar is that my doctor did inform me earlier this past week that my liver enzymes are off the fucking charts and I have actually had this same eye/lip tingling/numbness before when I was seriously hungover (without the right arm being numb though). Perhaps this is a side effect of my liver being riddled with failure. Whatever the case, I know something is wrong with me and I'd like to find out what it is so that I can just get back to living like a normal person.

Does anyone else watch Big Love and recognize how insanely awesome this season has turned out to be?
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[29 May 2007|02:28pm]
I'm still alive. I'm just working a lot and I haven't had a chance to purchase a new laptop- so I'm borrowing time on others' pc's when I can. But everything is fine. Mom is well (finally!).

Oddly, I don't have a whole lot to report on.
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Stupidity at every table [27 Mar 2007|07:14pm]
I'm sick of waiting on people that just have no clue how to behave in a restaurant.

- It's not okay to hold my hand and whisper shit like "I want you" in my ear.
- It's not okay to ask me for the remote and channel surf during my lunch rush. It's also not okay to complain to me because we don't get ESPN. Get take-out and eat it in front of your television if you wanna do that shit.
- It's not okay to make me go back and forth from your table 5 fucking times because you need something new whenever you see me. Figure out what you need and when I ask you "DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?" please spout off that list. I have other guests besides you to take care of.
- It's not okay to be demanding. I may be a waitress but I'm not your 16 year old daughter. If you want something, ask for it. Shouting out orders isn't going to get you better service.
- It's not okay to order things that you've never even HEARD of, eat half of it and then refuse to pay for it because "it tasted nasty". Suck it up and learn to order what you're familiar with.
- It's not okay to speak just above a whisper when the restaurant is full. I probably wouldn't be able to hear you if the place was silent, so I sure as hell can't hear you above whining kids and drunken couples.

If you do any of the above, please don't come to my place of employment.
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[04 Feb 2007|04:32am]
I had the worlds shittiest week. Work was hell, I was puking my guts up for 4 days straight, mom paid another visit to the hospital, and my fucking laptop broke. 

Well, "broke". The computer works fine. It's an issue with either the wireless card or the switch. Either way, it's something I have to pay for.

I havent even mentioned how my mothers lung surgeon managed to accidently cut her in a spot that he shouldn't have and thus she has major digestive problems, has lost even more weight, and is in far worse shape than she was before having the surgery....have I?

She's on a completely fat free diet (remember that she weighs just over 80 lbs) and has to drink pure oil that can actually MELT PLASTIC in order to keep from getting excessive amounts of fluid build up around her left lung. And even after drinking it 3x a day she still ends up having to have a huge needle injected into her back to drain the fluid because she can't breathe.

This sort of fucked up "accident" only happens to 1% of all hospital patients. The fucking odds.........


Then the other day I got my period and i'm bleeding like hell. I'm changing tampons in the middle of the night every few hours. That is soooooo unusual for me. And it's super clotty. Heh. Gross. What the fucks wrong with me? Usually after 3 days I barely have my period anymore and I'm almost always completely rid of it by the end of day 4. This one is NOT gonna be a short one. My skin has also stayed strangely clear (or as clear as possible, really) during this cycle. Normally my face freaks out a week before and I start cursing God.

Normally I wouldnt even bitch about my period but Adams coming home on Wednesday. 

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[10 Jan 2007|09:19pm]
My mother is in the hospital once again and I just have no idea how to deal with this anymore. We get bad news every fucking day and it;s getting harder to stay positive.

I want my mother to be well. I want my boyfriend here instead of fucking around in NZ. And I just want things to be okay.

Has anyone else had to deal with this sort of situation before where someone close to you was really ill? How do you cope? I feel like i'm just internalizing all of it because I force myself to be positive.
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The Usual Suspect [21 Dec 2006|06:26pm]
I'm not sure
What I'm looking for anymore
I just know
That I'm harder to console
I don't see who I'm trying to be
Instead of me
But the key
Is a question of control
Can you say
What you're trying to play anyway
I just pay
While you're breaking all the rules
All the signs that I find
Have been underlined
Devils thrive on the drive
That is fuelled
All this running around
Well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe
All the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve
Something that rings true
There's a hole in your soul
Like an animal
With no conscience
Repentance unknown
Close your eyes
Pay the price for your paradise
Devils feed on the seeds
That are sown
Can't conceal what I feel
What I know is real
No mistaking the faking
I care
With a prayer in the air
I will leave it there
On a note full of hope
Not despair
All this running around
Well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe
All the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve
Something that rings true
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Shopping (again) [21 Dec 2006|01:18am]
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Pompom [20 Dec 2006|04:33am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Just to bring everyone up to speed-

My mom did end up having cancer. It was removed and she's now cancer-free. She was released from the hospital on Sunday and is still taking it easy at home. Once again, thanks to everyone who prayed for her and my family and sent warm wishes. It means a lot.

My brother got engaged last week and we're all thrilled. The date is Aug 18th.

Adam is still in NZ.

I'm cooking an enormous Christmas brunch for 10 people. Yikes x 873872187.

My new job is going well so far.

I've decided to return to college and have found one that offers a BA in Sociology that allows me to take most of the courses online so that I'll have time to take care of my mom and the house and work around my schedule. I'll be begining to start the paperwork and talk with an advisor on Thursday.

Still praying that 2007 goes at least 1/10th better than 2006.

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Retail Therapy [10 Dec 2006|10:35pm]
I was feeling sorry for myself and nervous about my moms operation tomorrow so I did what I always do. I bought shit that I shouldn't have. However, most of it was from ebay so I didn't overspend toooo much.

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[07 Nov 2006|06:33am]
i deleted some of you because you're either:
-an idiot
-extremely dull
-all of the above

If you're still on the friends list then you probably have at least one endearing quality. Congrats!
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[28 Aug 2006|10:12am]
I hate waking up before 11am. I just plain HATE IT. Its worse since I can never manage to get to sleep at any kind of reasonable hour.

I went to IKEA yesterday and managed to buy some essential items despite the place feeling a lot like Grand Central Station. Seriously, there was deadlocked traffic at their entrance and everybody seemed  to be eating lunch there. Who the fuck eats lunch at IKEA? That's just wrong.

Did you know that they give you a map on your way in? A fucking MAP.....or a FURNITURE STORE.

I hate the world.
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[25 Aug 2006|08:52am]
Do I even have to tell you how much it sucks to wear a fucking TUXEDO on the subway? Working in "fine dining" makes you feel more like a butler than a bartender.

My Birthday was good. I recieved lots of presents and I love them all. Lots of clothes, lots of drinks, and lots of cake. I understand now why I stopped eating sugar. After 2 days of cake and icecream my teeth hurt. Thank Christ for diet soda and sugar free sweets!

I'm off to spend an hour on the treadmill to work off the disgusting shit i've been eating all week.
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[23 Aug 2006|01:00am]
I missed last weeks thefridayfive but it's fitting since today is my birthday.

1. Do you really make wishes when you blow out the candles on your cake?
yes yes yes! And on stars and eyelashes and everything else you're suposed to wish on.

2. Have any of the wishes ever come true, if yes?
I believe so.

3. How do you feel about birthdays? (e.g., love the attention, just another day, don't want anyone to know my real age, etc.)
I always make a huge deal out of it because i'm a bratty diva. But at the end of it all I feel dissapointed because it's never as special as I think it should be.

4. Tell us a favorite gift you've received, or something you'd really like for your next birthday.
I've gotten really badass gifts my whole life. I do remember recieving a "Baby Alive" when I was around 5 or 6 and it was particularly awesome.

5. What flavor cake?
White or gold with pink vanilla frosting :) I hate chocolate cake.

Anyway...my Birthday celebrations are over and i'm sad :( Turning 24 fucking sucks!
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[21 Aug 2006|04:24pm]
Adam is taking me to dinner for my Birthday tonight. Plus I get my present from him. I hope it looks a lot like .
But I'll settle for the earrings too ;)
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Find Of The Day #2 [17 Aug 2006|02:59pm]
I need this:

Also available in: A/S/L and LOL.
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Find Of The Day [16 Aug 2006|10:54pm]
A little known fact is that I can be quite crafty and I've become a bit of an embroidery diva in the past few years. I was fortunate enough to find some patterns that match the kitchen accessories I picked out (friends locked entry a few posts down in case you missed it).

I'm hoping to be able to order them in the next few weeks. I've never used iron-on patterns before so I'm a bit unsure of how they work. Are they re-usable? Can I make copies of them if they're not? Are any of you crafty bitches that can help me out here? Hit a bitch up!

Don't you effin love the mushrooms?! I may put them on handtowels for the bathroom.
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Wednesday 100! [16 Aug 2006|02:21am]
From joeymichaels
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[30 Jul 2006|03:26pm]
Come and join me at Cyworld!!!
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